Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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