laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize