So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
