youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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