I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
