even my farts smell like vagina
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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