You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
