remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize