You work out of a Hotel?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
