you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
