No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
