2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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