I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
