She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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