Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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