take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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