you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
