the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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