I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
