dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
