when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
