On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
