I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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