I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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