i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
