we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
