WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
