dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
