This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
