This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
