If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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