I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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