just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
