so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
