Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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