She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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