I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Damn victory sex feels great
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
