i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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