How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
