last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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