She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
