He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
