summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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