I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
