you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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