this beer tastes like vomit already
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
