Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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