Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
