I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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