He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
