i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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