Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
