I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
