You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
