If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
