'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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