I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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