so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When did angry sex become our thing?
third nipple confirmed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
