Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
