if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
