Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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