i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
