Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
