so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize