the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
