Screwed.edu
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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