They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize