Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
