they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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