That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
