Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
