i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
