I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
