I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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