Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
