Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
