i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
