I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
