In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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