if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
